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I decided to use a little space as a sounding board to just speak on whatever I felt like. As time goes on and things get to me, I'll add more topics. The topics so far have been fairly sporadic and limited, especially since becoming the editor of an online gay magazine, Buffalo Outlook, so I've decided to archive my editorials on here as well. You can find the listing for those at the bottom of the page.
Friends (10/19/99)
This is always an interesting term and one I'm not sure I often understand. To me, a friend is someone who likes to hangout with you and talk or do things. Someone who is there for you when you need him and that you help when he needs help. It seems (given how other people seem to act towards people they see as friends) that I am wrong. It seems all too often that friends are friends only when they need something and then are unreliable at any other point. To me, trust is a major part of friendship. When I can't trust someone, their friendship starts to die very quickly. I'd rather be told something I might not like than be lied to about something, especially something minor. I've always tried to be there for my friends if I could. I don't think it's too much to ask to have them be there for me once in a while too, yet I find that's often the exception more than the case. Am I asking too much? I don't think so.
Labels (10/9/97)
OK, some of this may be carry over from my earlier topics, but I really don't care. After reading stuff on pages by a couple friends of mine, I really needed to vent here. Why do people always have to put a label on people? Why can't you just accept someone at face value for what they do and who they are instead of who they sleep with or what they are. One person I've met is straight, but will admit that he sees it as possible that be could be emotionally (although not physically) attracted to another guy. All of a sudden, people are accusing him of being gay. On the other side, this past weekend, I was hanging out at a local gay bar with some friends when a very attractive female walked by. This caught my attention. The fact that it caught my attention caught the attention of my friend whom I was talking to and I got a severely dirty look. I cant even tell you how many times I've heard people talking about couples, complaining about the fact that the two people were of different races. Why can't people just accept someone as they are instead of trying to make them fit into some specific mold that they have envisioned? Does everyone have to be black or white or Hispanic or Jewish or Catholic or pagan or gay or straight or bi or whatever? Can't they just be?!? I wish people could look at other people and see a person, a living, breathing human being like themselves, instead of an organic list of statistics giving height, weight, race, religion, sexual orientation, and so on. This is just unnecessary and could actually keep you from getting to know someone quite special, only because you are seeing who you expect them to be and not who they really are. And who are they? A person just like you.
Gay Stereotypes and the "Gay Lifestyle" (9/23/97)
If I have to hear about these two things anymore I think I might just lose it. I think the best way I've seen this summed up was in an ad for Johnnie Walker. It said, "For the last time it's not a lifestyle. It's a life." I mean, sure, I'm gay. But how does that make be different from the guy down the street other than the fact that he checks out the girls going by and I check out him. OK, so there are some extra accommodations that you need to make in society when you're gay. But still, I live my life just like anyone else, gay or straight. I get up in the morning and have breakfast. I go to work. I work out. I pay bills. Whatever. People who try to separate everyone so much because of the difference in sexuality are wasting their time. This also propagate stereotypes and differences. A majority of gay guys I know are no different than straight guys in their interests and manners (although I have seen enough that are). I like baseball and other sports. I'm not effeminate. I don't wear women's clothes (and don't ever plan to other than maybe for a play if it requires it -- i.e. Rocky Horror). I just wish people would get over this and let people be people be people and not someone always falling in some classification or another.
Sexuality (9/20/97)
Not a fun subject to address. There are so many ideas on it that sometimes it can drive me crazy. Now I'm not going to waste time here on this nature vs. nurture stuff. [It's nature by the way. :)] What I'm going to address here is the idea that people try to pinpoint sexuality as either gay or straight and nothing in between. Some people see it as that with the possibility of a bisexuality that is strictly 50/50. I think Kinsey had it best described as a scale where he classified people as a range from 0 (100% straight) to 6 (100% gay) with few actually falling at the extremes. Although many people don't like to admit it, most people do have some attraction to the sex which may not be their primary attraction. This was part of my problem when I was trying to figure out what was going on. Although I like guys, I do find a few women attractive. I'm not saying I'm looking that hard for them though. Like a lot of people, I though there were three stops along the way: straight, 50/50 bi, and gay. This caused me problems since I couldn't balance equally the attractions, but also couldn't eliminate either. Once I looked at it as a range, everything fit a lot easier. I could take the tiny step to the side of fully gay and not have to classify as bi either. (I really hate those labels!) Too many people are afraid of this middle ground since it makes it more difficult to plan ways to compete with others, especially those of the opposite sex. This doesn't change the fact that the situation exists. But, as long as people try to limit themselves to the extremes, there is less to need to worry about.
Buffalo Outlook Editorials
Friends (10/19/99)
This is always an interesting term and one I'm not sure I often understand. To me, a friend is someone who likes to hangout with you and talk or do things. Someone who is there for you when you need him and that you help when he needs help. It seems (given how other people seem to act towards people they see as friends) that I am wrong. It seems all too often that friends are friends only when they need something and then are unreliable at any other point. To me, trust is a major part of friendship. When I can't trust someone, their friendship starts to die very quickly. I'd rather be told something I might not like than be lied to about something, especially something minor. I've always tried to be there for my friends if I could. I don't think it's too much to ask to have them be there for me once in a while too, yet I find that's often the exception more than the case. Am I asking too much? I don't think so.
Labels (10/9/97)
OK, some of this may be carry over from my earlier topics, but I really don't care. After reading stuff on pages by a couple friends of mine, I really needed to vent here. Why do people always have to put a label on people? Why can't you just accept someone at face value for what they do and who they are instead of who they sleep with or what they are. One person I've met is straight, but will admit that he sees it as possible that be could be emotionally (although not physically) attracted to another guy. All of a sudden, people are accusing him of being gay. On the other side, this past weekend, I was hanging out at a local gay bar with some friends when a very attractive female walked by. This caught my attention. The fact that it caught my attention caught the attention of my friend whom I was talking to and I got a severely dirty look. I cant even tell you how many times I've heard people talking about couples, complaining about the fact that the two people were of different races. Why can't people just accept someone as they are instead of trying to make them fit into some specific mold that they have envisioned? Does everyone have to be black or white or Hispanic or Jewish or Catholic or pagan or gay or straight or bi or whatever? Can't they just be?!? I wish people could look at other people and see a person, a living, breathing human being like themselves, instead of an organic list of statistics giving height, weight, race, religion, sexual orientation, and so on. This is just unnecessary and could actually keep you from getting to know someone quite special, only because you are seeing who you expect them to be and not who they really are. And who are they? A person just like you.
Gay Stereotypes and the "Gay Lifestyle" (9/23/97)
If I have to hear about these two things anymore I think I might just lose it. I think the best way I've seen this summed up was in an ad for Johnnie Walker. It said, "For the last time it's not a lifestyle. It's a life." I mean, sure, I'm gay. But how does that make be different from the guy down the street other than the fact that he checks out the girls going by and I check out him. OK, so there are some extra accommodations that you need to make in society when you're gay. But still, I live my life just like anyone else, gay or straight. I get up in the morning and have breakfast. I go to work. I work out. I pay bills. Whatever. People who try to separate everyone so much because of the difference in sexuality are wasting their time. This also propagate stereotypes and differences. A majority of gay guys I know are no different than straight guys in their interests and manners (although I have seen enough that are). I like baseball and other sports. I'm not effeminate. I don't wear women's clothes (and don't ever plan to other than maybe for a play if it requires it -- i.e. Rocky Horror). I just wish people would get over this and let people be people be people and not someone always falling in some classification or another.
Sexuality (9/20/97)
Not a fun subject to address. There are so many ideas on it that sometimes it can drive me crazy. Now I'm not going to waste time here on this nature vs. nurture stuff. [It's nature by the way. :)] What I'm going to address here is the idea that people try to pinpoint sexuality as either gay or straight and nothing in between. Some people see it as that with the possibility of a bisexuality that is strictly 50/50. I think Kinsey had it best described as a scale where he classified people as a range from 0 (100% straight) to 6 (100% gay) with few actually falling at the extremes. Although many people don't like to admit it, most people do have some attraction to the sex which may not be their primary attraction. This was part of my problem when I was trying to figure out what was going on. Although I like guys, I do find a few women attractive. I'm not saying I'm looking that hard for them though. Like a lot of people, I though there were three stops along the way: straight, 50/50 bi, and gay. This caused me problems since I couldn't balance equally the attractions, but also couldn't eliminate either. Once I looked at it as a range, everything fit a lot easier. I could take the tiny step to the side of fully gay and not have to classify as bi either. (I really hate those labels!) Too many people are afraid of this middle ground since it makes it more difficult to plan ways to compete with others, especially those of the opposite sex. This doesn't change the fact that the situation exists. But, as long as people try to limit themselves to the extremes, there is less to need to worry about.
| May 1999 | Introductory editorial |
| June 1999 | Pride parades and standing together |
| July 1999 | Gossip |
| August 1999 | Gay Friendships |
| September 1999 | Judging others |
| October 1999 | Politics and campaigning |
| November 1999 | Voices cancelation |
| December 1999 | Positive changes for new year |
| January 2000 | The gay community in 2000 |
| February 2000 | Friendship, caring, and Valentine's Day |
| March 2000 | Chasing after heterosexuals |
| April 2000 | Homophobic slandering on the air |
| May 2000 | Getting involved |
| June 2000 | Drugs and alcohol in the gay scene |
| July 2000 | What sex means to individuals |
| August 2000 | Facades |
| September 2000 | Who represents the gay community? |
| October 2000 | Having to prove yourself because you're gay |
| November 2000 | Chosing your friends |
| December 2000 | Judging people on sexuality and interests |
| January 2001 | Gay role models |
| February 2001 | Commitment |
| March 2001 | Respect |
| April 2001 | Sexual obsession |
| May 2001 | Gays and drama |
| June 2001 | Gay friendships |
| July 2001 | Acting gay |
| August 2001 | Gay rights |
| September 2001 | Media focus on gay topics |
| October 2001 | Making friends online |
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